Pasadena Mayor, Victor Gordo, Volunteers To Solve the Middle East Conflict

SATIRE

(L-R) Victor Gordo, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, and Benjamin Netanyahu (Photos – ColoradoBlvd, Україна, and
World Economic Forum)

Satire

In a letter titled “First Democratic mayor in California calls for Biden to end campaign,” sent “exclusively” to POLITICO, Pasadena Mayor, Victor Gordo, following the example of Congressman Adam Schiff, called for President Biden to step down.

By The Wise Blob

Even though the role of Pasadena mayor is a non-partisan local position, Gordo decided to offer his opinion and chime in on partisan national issues, leaving a trail of confused supporters who may neither agree with his stance nor welcome it.

Lisa Derderian, the City’s Spokesperson was not clued in on the letter sent to POLITICO, and why should she be informed? She’s just the Public Information Officer of the city!

Sources close to Miguel Márquez, Pasadena’s City Manager, indicated that Márquez is looking into promoting more Deputies and Assistants to deal with the uptake of national and international requests for Gordo’s comments and advice.

The Biden administration sidestepped Adam Schiff’s request in order to concentrate on Victor Gordo’s opinion. An aide to President Biden, who refused to identify himself publicly, said the administration is in ‘panic mode’ trying to find the best response to Gordo’s remarks.

WWGD (What Would Gordo Do)

For a city like Pasadena, having such a wise leader as Mayor has its consequences. World leaders are taking notice and flocking to seek Gordo’s esteemed advice on a myriad of problems facing their nations.

Ukraine President, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, waiting for a response, was told recently he’s 5^th in line as the mayor is busy dispensing his opinion about the Middle East and other pressing matters.

Mother Theresa, in an apparition from heaven, appeared to two shepherds in Altadena (a town adjacent to Pasadena). This clarification is needed in case an out-of-town person such as Keith Calayag is reading this. Back to the apparition: Mother Theresa indicated (in English, with an Altadena accent) that God’s messages will be exclusively conveyed from now on through the local prophet, our esteemed mayor. “All other sources,” Mother Theresa added, “are either fake or AI generated.” (A side note: Have you noticed how a local rag is using AI with lots of errors and nonfactual facts? I digress.)

Mayor Gordo

When reached at his office, Mayor Gordo was deep in his taco-stained sleeves fending calls from the Republican party. Word has it, GOP leaders are terrified Gordo might chime in and upset their convention’s vibe.

Speaking to us over a quick breakfast –30 tacos or so spread out all over his desk — Gordo said that his non-partisan job is essential to the stability of the region and the globe. While we were talking to the Mayor, the phone rang and he dismissed us promptly out of his office. As we were being ushered out, we heard “Let them eat cake,” possibly trying to disperse advice on the homeless situation in the nation.

Vannia De La Cuba, Gordo’s rep to the Council, said that new phone lines are currently being added at City Hall to offset the uptake in calls from world leaders as well as residents seeking (and possibly confused with) Gordo’s wise comments.

Until additional phone lines are added, residents can seek answers at: Gordito@cityofPasadena. World leaders can send their requests to: PasadenaHasNoProblems@cityofpasadena.